Day of Confirmation

If this is the first entry of my blog that you have read, I hope you read my first post first. http://ellick92.blogspot.com/2011/01/day-of-change.html  But if your one of those people who like to read the end of a book first, I can give you a quick summary. 

I wore eye glasses and on 4 Jan 2011 they broke. On that day, a Day of Change, I decided I was going to have laser eye surgery and eliminate the need for glasses. I used the need for glasses as an excuse for why I wasn't outgoing. Why I kept things to myself. Why I had such a hard time approaching somebody, to converstate with them, to know somebody new. You can ask yourself, how did he get that way? Well that answer will have to wait, because that is another story which hasn't been written yet. If you still haven't read my first blog post and are waiting for what the title of this entry means, skip to the bottom. But if you did read that post, then you can follow me to how the title of this blog entry came to be.

The next day I started an account on facebook. http://www.facebook.com/EllickErickson. If I am going to be more outgoing that is a good place to start. I made an appointment for an eye exam, to see if I am evan eligible for laser surgery. I had the exam on the 12th, and to my relief, was told I can have it done. The date for the surgery would be the 27th of january.

On Jan 17th I was looking through the internet, where I found a blog which interested me very much. My reading her blog inspired me to start my own blog. That day I became a follower of her blog. http://musingsofmissk.blogspot.com/ The next day I checked my email and to my amazement she had sent me a facebook friend request, which I instantly approved, without hesitation.

The day had finally come for my eye surgery. I laid down on the table, the doctor swung the laser over my eyes, I looked up at the red dot, and I got zapped. When the doctor had finished, he swung the laser away, I sat up and I saw with clear vision the most beautiful thing ever. A white cabinet of medical supplies. What did you think I was going to see? A highway to heaven, not quite but close.

January 31st I was going through my FB where my friend had posted an enty. She wondered why it seems that she is seemingly not just unsympathetic, but also unworthy of compassion. When someone else plays the victim card around her, they get the sympathy of others, while she gets treated coldly and often poorly. I replied that my bother-in-law says that I am selfish. Just because I keep to myself doesn't mean I don't care about something or someone. WE ALL HAVE FELLINGS, no matter how a person shows their emotions.

There is some foreshadowing in the above paragraph. Those people who have skipped to the bottom won't really have a good understanding of the title. Hopefully I do a good enough job so when WE get to the end it makes perfect sense to US.

Two days later my friend posted another entry on facebook, which she posted multiple times so that whoever it was intended for saw it. She posted this video by Dr Brene Brown about the power of vulnerability. http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html This is a 20 minute video, so I if you got time I recommened watching it, but the most important thing is to remember the name Brene Brown. What I got out of it was that everybody feels vulnerable. Some hide it differently than others. If a person says that they never have self doubt, anxiety or unworthiness, they are lying.

People like to read their daily horoscope to help guide them thru their day. I rather read my weekly horoscope, but not in the usual way that you would expect. I read the horoscope from 2 to 4 weeks in the past. It is amazing to me how acurate that past horoscope is. Most things it predicated do actually happen to you. Don't worry that your horoscope said this, it said that, so I must act and do differently. Just go about your life. It can confirm the path of your life is the correct one and for you to stay the course.

Friday 4 Sep 2011, exactly one month since my glasses broke, my friend posts a blog entry about vulnerability with Brene Brown's video in it. I read her blog, which I think is the best she ever wrote. Since I have already seen the video, I go to Dr Browns website and then to her blog. http://www.ordinarycourage.com/ On top of the page was this quote by C.S. Lewis 

"Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken, it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. TO LOVE IS TO BE VULNERABLE."  C.S. Lewis

I couldn't believe it. It summed up how I was going about my life. How it was easier to stay to myself, to keep from being humilited, made fun of. It was like my brother-in-law said about me, how I was selfish and didn't care about others. He doesn't know I do care, but it can be hard when others go about destroying the confidence in ones self. Jan 4th was the day of change, and 4 Feb 2011 is the Day of Confirmation. That it's time and not too late to breakout of that coffin and say, "Hi, my name is Ellick."

Karen, Thank You. I found it.